I am the girl of at least one boy's dreams

So getting settled back into Gradville and working through all the emotions that come along with that, I have barely had time to miss my little guys. That is probably a good thing because it is hard knowing I can’t see them any time I want—-and that sadness could totally mess up my schedule of procrastinating and worrying about my future. Not to mention the fact that they grow at an immeasurable rate, and the next time I see them they will probably be getting ready to go off to college. Unless of course I go home next weekend, which I probably will. If that plan comes together, I am happy to report they will still be 1 and 4.

But in the spirit of wanting my heart to explode, Ashley sent me this email the other day. As you read it, you will see why it really made my week all the while testing my self-control as I fought not to get in my car and drive home immediately.

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W must have been dreaming about you, because at 5:30 this morning he started calling out for “Jenn-Jenn!!!!” He even started clapping his hands for you to come to him and kept saying your name. I was cracking up!!

I went in his room and told him Mommy was here. He said, “Jenn-Jenn at home???” I told him yes and he said, “I want Jenn-Jenn”. I told him maybe we would see Jenn-Jenn soon.

So in case you thought we had all forgotten about you…..No chance of that happening. You are truly loved!!!!

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Precious.

Me and my boyfriend

Currently

I am happy.
I am confused.
I am inspired.
I am scared.
I am trusting in something Greater than myself to guide my fears and bring me through.
I want to help people for the rest of my life.
I am just not sure in what way my help will best be distributed.
I am worried about money.
I am content in knowing I don’t have to worry.
I am aware that obedience with money and being frugal are essential in, you know, being able to buy food in the future.
I want a job that pays well.
I am afraid I will never really have that.
I also want to one day quit that well-paying job I may never have to raise the children I will one day have with the husband I will one day have.
I basically have nothing figured out at this point.
But! I know I’m not supposed to and I OWN WHAT I DON’T KNOW.
I definitely don’t know what the future holds.
I know Who holds the future.
I know the last time you heard that cliche you fell off your dinosaur.
I am thankful.
I am blessed and thankful.
Oh yeah, and I’m thankful.
I WILL enjoy my final year in graduate school.
I will try really hard to try really hard.
I cannot promise to watch TV less.
I can promise to pray more.
And listen to God A LOT more.
Somedays I know I’ll pray and listen and some days I will get caught up in my feelings and how I want my life to turn out.
Hopefully at the end of those OTHER days, I will remember that it’s not about me.
It’s not about the money.
It’s not about being comfortable with my current abilities.
It’s more about striving to figure out what I was born for…and realizing that that could be many different things over a long period of time.
It’s up to me to be content in each season.
It’s up to me to be the person I was made to be and who most of the time I actually like.
Until I start being the person that the fears and worries and insecurities tell me I am.
I’ll continue to laugh a really great amount and do it loudly.
I will continue to drink Diet Coke.
It is delicious and I heart you forever DC.
I love so much about this crazy life with these crazy yet lovable people.
I have a lot to give.
I can’t wait to give it all.

I wore his breath out

I have been keeping the boys all this week. 8am-6pm.

It has been fun. It has been brutal. It has been an educational experience on many levels. Let’s just say, I had huge amounts of respect for stay-at-home-mamas before this, and it increased by leaps and bounds starting about 2 or 3 hours into Day One and continuing to multiply the remaining one million hours I was there.

Today we were running a few errands aka ESCAPING THE HOUSE before it closed in on us, when B summed up exactly how I feel as this long week comes to a close.

“Miss Jenna?”
“Yes, baby?”
“Um, my breath is tired”
(Huh?) “What now? Your breath?”

“Yes. And, Miss Jenna?”
“Yes?”
“My feet are out of gas.”

And then I realized that being a stay-at-home-kid this week had worn B out as well. I know what you mean, buddy, I know what you mean.

B too tired to even make it outside. Bless him.